


Johnlock: ‘Prime’ and Punishment

by LaKoda0518



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Amazon Product Reviews, Blame this on my friends LOL, Crack, Humor, I really have no other explanation for this, I should have been working on my AU, John Watson don’t need no instructions, John thinks it’s a little bit funny..., M/M, My brain works in weird ways, Ok John thinks it’s REALLY funny lol, Please still take me seriously after this, Sex Toys, Sexual Humor, Sherlock Holmes is NOT amused, The shit that happens when I’m left alone, absolute crack, im so sorry, just for fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 09:18:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19460998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaKoda0518/pseuds/LaKoda0518
Summary: John Watson and Sherlock Holmes order lots of things from Amazon Prime.... so, it’s only fair that they leave honest and accurate reviews! Right.....? Lol





	Johnlock: ‘Prime’ and Punishment

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a little idea that came to me after seeing a post that was shared with me on Twitter where a woman wrote a funny Amazon review for a vibrator..... and of course, my brain jumped straight to the boys buying a prostate massager 😂🙈 #sorrynotsorry
> 
> Anyway! I hope you guys enjoy this little bit of silliness! The plan is to post their reviews then I’ll come back later and add what ACTUALLY happened! ;)

Amazon customer “ **JHWatson71** ” left a review for the following product:

**_LELO Loki Personal Prostate Massager (21:02)_ **

This product was most definitely a success if I’m judging by the current state of my overly stimulative partner who still hasn’t managed to pull his sorry arse out of bed, yet. In order to give you my full review of this massager, I’ll have to start with the ‘foreplay’ idea of the product, if you will. (Note to all who are planning on purchasing this product: teasing your partner while he is washing the dishes and only wearing his pants may or may not result in a few hundred pounds worth of water damage to your kitchen floor and several broken plates. Just FYI. Also… be sure to test the setting strength BEFORE turning the product on your partner’s more delicate areas...) While using this product in a highly unrecommended situation, it was much more than I had actually bargained for for my partner. However, after tweaking the sensitivity settings and moving our activities to a more appropriate location, I found that the product most definitely exceeded expectations. Desirable results were achieved two separate times in the space of an hour which, as a doctor, I would say is quite an exceptional achievement for an adult male in his 40s. Docking .5 stars for the poor clarity of instructional usage, but I have to give to a solid 4.5 Stars overall for proficiency and performance. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Amazon Customer “ **SHolmes-thisisstupidjohnwhycantijustuseyouraccount?** ” left a review for the following product:

**_LELO Loki Personal Prostate Massager (22:47)_ **

  
  


Contrary to the previous opinion, this product is an absolute abomination. The use of this product may lead to unexpected paralysis, incapacitation of victim, and premature heart attack in users under the age of 34. While some may benefit from this sort of “stimulation” (if one can dare to call it that), it is not recommended to engage oneself in such a state more than once in a lifetime. Speaking from personal experience, the same results can easily be achieved by being penetrated by an out of control jackhammer from London to the center of the universe while simultaneously being sucked off by a Hoover. Two stars  **ONLY** because the product arrived in a timely manner without any damage to the packaging.


End file.
